"Illusion between Reality"
By:Jadesensei
At some point in our life we all had to getr over something. Doesn't mater if it was bad grade, a horrible finale to a really good TV-show or our former boy- girlfriend. but those things are not all the same. It is harder to get over something if you love it. Analogically it is harder to get over someone if you love him or her. But here is yet again a difference. When you were in a serious relationship that has ended at least you know he or she loved you and you loved them. But how many people are there who never knew you loved or love them? And I am not talking about stupid little superficial crushes. I am talking about the ones you admire from far away.
The ones you spin all those scenarios in your head around. When you are too shy and not confident enough to text him or talk to him, you create that persons personality in your head. His appearance gives you the perfect facade for him. You fall in love with the illusion in your head. Why wouldn't you? You created it. You gave him all the attributes you desired. Now, you're in love with a real person and a fake person. They look the same but they are not the same. Eventually you talk to them get to know them a little bit. The two persons merge into one. Now you will never know if you are in love with him or his illusion.
I have experienced this first-hand and I am still experiencing it because all this illusion vs. reality -nonsense is just so confusing. You are constantly asking yourself: what is real? what is fake? do I even know him?
I am trying to get over him. I am really trying but the worst point in this journey of getting over him is the psychological aspect of this matter. The physical aspect doesn't really matter that much anymore. But it was the psychological part, which was the problem all along. Loving him gave me a kind of security, it stabilized my fleeting and always changing moods and emotions. I knew, that even if I was mad at him or told myself I didn't love him anymore, I would fall head over heels all over again as soon as he smiles at me. That was the thing I was certain of. It kind of kept me going over the years, the thought of the paradigm of him loving me back one day. It was also the reason why I didn't fall in love with someone else. Well, yes I had a few crushes but they were always more of a rebound than a new fresh love interest.
But subconsciously I'm not sure if I want to lose this safety seat. I know I will have to in order to move on but there is always a difference between what you want to do and what you have to do. Unfortunately, in this particular situation all of the "want to" , "have to" -things blur into one big mess of uncertainty and certainty. goodbye and welcome back. really just a paradox mix of emotions and thoughts.
Nevertheless the thought of actually letting him go is crystallizing itself more and more.
It just requires time to create a diamond and pressure is naturally a part of that process.
By:Jadesensei
At some point in our life we all had to getr over something. Doesn't mater if it was bad grade, a horrible finale to a really good TV-show or our former boy- girlfriend. but those things are not all the same. It is harder to get over something if you love it. Analogically it is harder to get over someone if you love him or her. But here is yet again a difference. When you were in a serious relationship that has ended at least you know he or she loved you and you loved them. But how many people are there who never knew you loved or love them? And I am not talking about stupid little superficial crushes. I am talking about the ones you admire from far away.
The ones you spin all those scenarios in your head around. When you are too shy and not confident enough to text him or talk to him, you create that persons personality in your head. His appearance gives you the perfect facade for him. You fall in love with the illusion in your head. Why wouldn't you? You created it. You gave him all the attributes you desired. Now, you're in love with a real person and a fake person. They look the same but they are not the same. Eventually you talk to them get to know them a little bit. The two persons merge into one. Now you will never know if you are in love with him or his illusion.
I have experienced this first-hand and I am still experiencing it because all this illusion vs. reality -nonsense is just so confusing. You are constantly asking yourself: what is real? what is fake? do I even know him?
I am trying to get over him. I am really trying but the worst point in this journey of getting over him is the psychological aspect of this matter. The physical aspect doesn't really matter that much anymore. But it was the psychological part, which was the problem all along. Loving him gave me a kind of security, it stabilized my fleeting and always changing moods and emotions. I knew, that even if I was mad at him or told myself I didn't love him anymore, I would fall head over heels all over again as soon as he smiles at me. That was the thing I was certain of. It kind of kept me going over the years, the thought of the paradigm of him loving me back one day. It was also the reason why I didn't fall in love with someone else. Well, yes I had a few crushes but they were always more of a rebound than a new fresh love interest.
But subconsciously I'm not sure if I want to lose this safety seat. I know I will have to in order to move on but there is always a difference between what you want to do and what you have to do. Unfortunately, in this particular situation all of the "want to" , "have to" -things blur into one big mess of uncertainty and certainty. goodbye and welcome back. really just a paradox mix of emotions and thoughts.
Nevertheless the thought of actually letting him go is crystallizing itself more and more.
It just requires time to create a diamond and pressure is naturally a part of that process.
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